This past Sunday we had the honor of dedicating our two girls at our church, Red Sea. Before being allowed to participate though, we had to attend a required class about the purpose of Child Dedication and our responsibilities as parents. It was an amazing class that reaffirms our responsibility in raising our children in Christ: having devotions with them daily, praying with them daily, using teachable moments to point to Christ and His love and grace for us. Another we learned is that it's never too early to begin doing these things with them.
During the child dedication, us along with 7 other families dedicated their children to the Lord asking our church family to walk along side us in helping to mold our children in the way of the Lord and pray that one day He will call them to be his children.
Some of the information and verses they shared with us I thought were great and I wanted to pass it along to other parents/future parents.
- Parenting is a multi-generational endeavor (Deut. 6:13, Gen. 17:7, Deut. 5:9-10, Ps. 78:1-8 and 2 Tim. 1:5). We take what we have learned from our parents and often times apply those things in teaching our children. Also, although grandparents aren't our children's parents, they play just as vital of a role in the spiritual growth of our own children.
- Growing Parents Precede Growing Children (Deut. 6:4-6) - Basically, we can't pass what we don't have. (gospel, wisdom, right values, faith, passion, joy, good character, etc.)
- Parenting Happens While "Doing Life Together" (Deut. 6:7-9) - Spending quality time together is important...and quality time comes from quantity time.
- Parenting is Living By and Communicating the Gospel (Deut. 6:20-25) - We don't obey to be accepted by God. We are accepted by God in Christ; therefore, we obey.
- Parenting is Done in Context of Like-Minded Community (Deut. 6:1-3) - Most of the Bible is written to "you" plural not "you" singular.
Children develop spiritually in correlation with psychological/social development. Below is a summary of some main points of development both in spirituality and socially. (These were developed by Erik Erikson and James Fowler, both social scientists.)
Infants
Developmental Stage
Trust vs. Mistrust An infants trust or mistrust is developed based on the level of care given starting at birth. If properly cared for, that child will develop trust in people, which will later determine his/her ability to form loving, trust in relationships in the future.
Faith Stage
If a child is able to trust people, then he/she is likely to have the ability to trust God. If they cannot trust people that can be seen/touched, then it would be difficult for him/her to trust in an invisible God.
Action Point
While caring for an infant, think of them as a spiritual being. By loving them through holding, smiling, singing and caring for their basic needs, you can help build the foundation of trust necessary to form a trusting relationship with God.
Toddlers
Developmental Stage
Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt –
Toddlers begin to develop their independence and curiosity at this age. Discipline becomes an issue at this age. Praising a child for age-appropriated attempts will increase self-esteem and autonomy, while criticism or harsh discipline for behavior can cause a child to lose confidence. They understand this world by what we tell/display to them.
Faith Stage
A child who is shown love and acceptance despite his/her behavior and accomplishments will have a greater understanding of the unconditional love of God. A child who feels inferior and shameful because of the conditions and expectations placed on him will likely struggle with accepting God’s love.
Action Point
As parents, we must always remember that we model God to our children in everything we do and say to them. Use care in your words and actions towards toddlers as it can directly or indirectly affect a child’s perception of how God receives them, and how to receive God’s love for them. Encourage and correct children in an appropriate loving and affirming ways. Don’t place too high expectations on them.
Preschoolers
Developmental Stage
Incentive vs. Guilt – Preschoolers have mastered most basic life skills, from feeding and dressing to school-readiness and conversating. They are at a transition point between early childhood and school years. They are exploring through asking questions, pushing boundaries and taking risks. A child who is discouraged, wrongly punished or ridiculed for his/her risk taking will develop a strong sense of guild that will follow him/her for years to come. They will struggle to take risks or think creatively. However, the child who is encouraged (within reason) to explore and discover, whose questions are taken seriously and who is presented with safe boundary will grow up with a sense of competence and creative thinking skills. Failing will be an accepted part of life.
Faith Stage
Children at this stage have wildly imaginative worlds. There is very little concept of logic for them, and stories, rituals of worship and community are important. A child’s inability to process information logically can inhibit their ability to reconcile certain truths about God. (i.e. His love and His judgement). Images of an angry God will inspire fear, while redemptive love of God will be attractive. Children at this age believe almost everything they are told, so care should be taken in communicating clearly, appropriately and concretely who God is. Abstract ideas about God are not easily understood. Helping children to know God and His love is important at this stage so the foundation can be laid to follow God their whole lives.
Action Point
Communication is a huge part of the preschooler’s understanding of God. Be careful how you communicate ideas of God and His Words. Age appropriate illustrations and stories should be told. This is not to say that Bible stories should ever be sugar-coated. However, accurate descriptions of God and the truths of the Bible should be communicated. The child’s exploration of God and His World should be encouraged. Our response to a child’s questions will either encourage or discourage initiative and risk taking when it comes to loving God. Model God’s unconditional love in your actions and words.
Elementary
Developmental Stage
Industry vs. Inferiority – Children at this age are continuing to build the necessary skills to succeed. This is a time of discovering gifts and talents, those that come naturally and are easy to do well. A child will also develop skills in areas that are not so easy, but are necessary. If this is done successfully they are considered industrious. However, the child who does poor in school, has difficulty learning and mastering basic skills will emerge with a sense of inferiority. Children still think more concretely, but are beginning to understand certain abstract concepts of time.
Faith Stage
At this stage, children are beginning to take what they see modeled in the faith community and integrate it with their own personality. They don’t necessarily grasp the reasoning behind particular beliefs or symbols, but are identifying themselves with the community where they fell comfort and safety, have friends and feel they belong. They will most readily model people they know best – their parents. They also identify God with human characteristics like loving, kind and caring because this is how they understand people should be. The child is beginning to recognize that God isn’t just imaginary, but someone he can know and trust.
Action Point
Children at this age have a concrete sense of what is right and wrong. They desire justice and fairness. This is when their sense of morality kicks in. As parents, we must model to them what it means to live out our faith with integrity. Children will be watching and identifying with your example. We have the opportunity to teach them what is right, how to make decision that are good and to understand that God is real, and His love for them is real. Encourage children in the areas they may fell inferior. Be sure not to be partial or critical of the children. Limit competition in the environment. All children are valuable.
Preteen
Developmental Stage
Continuation of Industry vs. Inferiority - This age group is so volatile. Preteens shift often from feeling industrious and inferior. Children in this age group are shifting from concrete to abstract thinking. They begin to realize that life is unfair, that good people can make bad choices and there are various consequences for those choices. Physical and emotional development at this stage can develop confusion and stress. This is a season of change pretty much in every aspect of the preteen’s life.
Faith Stage
As so much of the preteen’s life is in transition, and up for grabs, so is his/her faith. Often they will begin to challenge their faith and the things they have been taught to be true throughout their childhood.
Action Point
A preteen’s challenges and questions about their faith need to be taken seriously. Don’t be afraid of their faith crises, it is a natural part of their human development. Preteens should never be told they are displeasing to God by having feelings or questions. Instead answer any questions or address concerns genuinely and truthfully. Preteens are looking for role models who can show them what matters in life. With the right guidance and encouragement, the hope that preteens will emerge with a stronger, more active and more fulfilling faith in God. Be dependable and encouraging.
***This information was taken from Erik Erikson's Childhood and Society and James Fowler's Stages of Faith.
(Picture was taken at Mt. Hood when Josh's family was in town. - Feb. 2009)
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